Bay-Don’t-Watch! Unless You Want Dumb Comedy

baywatch

 

“Are you ready? Never full of fear?” Poor use of the theme song lyrics aside, one might fear for what is to come with the Baywatch movie.  If you’ve read other websites or seen the google news feeds you know this hasn’t been doing well.  Yet the question remains, is it bad enough to deserve lower than 20%?  Robbie K here to ask that question as I hit the theater trenches to scope out the wonders the bay holds in this relaunch.  So once more, here are my thoughts on the latest “hits” of the Hollywood Box Office!”

 

LIKES:

  • Some of the comedy
  • The Beautiful Cast
  • Dwayne the Rock Johnson

 

Summary: If you’ve seen the trailers, you know this movie is going to attempt to be funny, and at times it succeeds. Despite what some reviews say, Baywatch has its clever moments involving slapstick humor and insult bashing.  There are numerous references buried in the sand of this movie, and even more punches at the ridiculousness of the legendary series.  These quips are fun, tasteful, and on many levels so true at how we ate up the drama. And yes, the cameos are certainly fun to watch and well-timed.

But outside of comedy, the main selling point of this movie is the beautiful cast of lifeguards assembled for this movie.  The trailers have not sold you any lies in regards to the anatomy in this movie and the sex appeal contained within.  Female audience members will certainly enjoy the chiseled features of former wrestler Dwayne Johnson and former Disney Channel singing “sensation” Zac Efron. Beefy bodies and plenty of shirtless scenes had a number of my fellow audience members drooling, or at least making sounds. Fear not guys, you’ll get plenty of chances to make your own sounds and gawk at the lovely figures of Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, and Ilfenesh Hadera  These visions of loveliness not only have a little spice to add to the mix, but plenty of “bounce” to their step that brings energy to the film. In regards to the acting of most of the cast, not bad I must say, but many are reduced to mere shadows of what I had hoped to see. All with the exception of one….

The Rock is still cooking up a storm in terms of his acting.  He led the comedy for me with solid delivery and timing, his lines perhaps the best written of the whole cast.  Using his physical attributes, he does some nice stunt work into the mix helping to add excitement to a rather bland movie.  But his greatest contribution is the energy brought to the film, which kept things fun, balanced, and moving at various points. You can guess that this reviewer felt the most solid aspect of the movie… was the Rock.

 

DISLIKES:

  • Most of the comedy
  • Predictable story
  • Zac Efron’s character

 

Summary:  I said there was some witty moments, but we all knew this was going to be a run of the mill modern comedy.  Baywatch is loaded with shallow comedy that is stupid, crude and in many cases lazy writing.  You can guess that much of it is centered on the stereotypical sex jokes, including a few shots of the genitalia itself. Other comedic ploys focus on prolonged banter between two characters, who randomly stop in the middle of a crisis to argue their points…yeah that’s funny.  Yet many jokes involve taking the clever dialogue and quickly dumping it for…yes pointless cursing that quickly grew stale for me.

You would think the story could try to make up some of the shortcomings, but no… that too failed.  It was a predictable plot from start to finish, with all the relationships, turning points, and big twists known within probably 30 minutes. While this should not be too startling, I had hoped that the stunts and suspense could break it up the mundane plot, but this too failed considerably.  I get it, it’s a cute attempt at making an extended episode reminiscent of the show, but the execution was poor and I think that a stand-up comedy approach might have been better.

Yet the worse thing for me was Zac Efron’s character.  Don’t turn click off the review quite yet, hear me out, this is in no way all Efron’s fault.  The former High School Musical star is playing the same role he always does and is starting to go off the deep end.  However, the design of this character was annoying on so many levels that it was hard to not wish a swift end for him.  The development was weak at best, minus a few well-developed scenes, and the fact that he had some of the lamer comedic moments didn’t help things at all.  But when you got the body he built up, I guess you don’t have to do much in this movie to win the favor of the audience.

 

The VERDICT:

 

Baywatch is clever at times and fulfills its promise of shallow laughs, Dwayne Johnson having energy and of course the sex appeal. They certainly polished their actors for this one so that audiences would get a feast for their eyes, but sadly that’s the only thing this reviewer can share.  Baywatch has much balancing to do for the sequel that could come, and really needs to focus on the wittier comedy and less on the innuendos.  Certainly, you should hold out for this movie to grace Netflix or RedBox.

 

My Scores are:

 

Action/Comedy/Drama:  5.5

Movie Overall:  4.0

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